Dear Skeptical Girl,
I’ve been meaning to write this post to you for a while…basically since the day after I posted my first blog post about submission in marriage. I totally get that it might have seemed like a weird concept, and I understand why you’re not sold on the whole idea, yet. I even understand if you’re a little angry at what I wrote. I was angry too, at first. I was so so so angry that women actually thought that they had to be less than their husbands. What made our men so amazing that they got to be the ones to lead? I’ve always been a better planner and organizer than my husband, so doesn’t it make sense that I should lead? Besides, he isn’t a perfect leader! I’m just as good as him, so we should both be equal in this marriage, and everything should be 50/50. It’s the 21st century!
Trust me, I thought ALL of the things listed above and more. I understand what you’re feeling if you’re not so happy about the whole idea of submitting to your husband. I get it. But that doesn’t mean I agree with you.
I want to let you know that stepping back and letting your husband take the lead doesn’t make you insignificant or unimportant.
Embracing submission in marriage doesn’t mean that the two of you aren’t equal. It’s not even so much about submitting to your husband as it is about submitting to the fact that God made husbands and wives to be different. We aren’t the same physically, mentally, or emotionally. And that’s totally fine! We were meant to compliment each other instead of feeling the need to compete with each other. Think of all the things that your husband is good at that you aren’t great at. Think of all the things you rock at that your husband just isn’t good at. That’s because men and women were created equally but not identically.
Ephesians 5:22-24 – Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Study the verses above. God made marriage as a union to mirror the relationship that He has with the church. Would you walk into church trying to steal all the spotlight from God? Would you ever try to tell the Lord that you don’t feel like being lead because it’s the 21st century, and you’re an independent woman? Probably not! 😉 It’s time that we take the passage above to heart. It starts in your own marriage, my friend. It’s not about stepping aside to be a slave, but encouraging your husband to lead your family toward God’s great plan. It’s about finding a way to be a loving, kind, mild wife even when your husband isn’t necessarily being the nicest guy on the planet. It’s all about giving our spouse grace and the room to lead our family the way Christ leads the church!
And in a marriage where God is present, you can rest assured that your husband isn’t going to take advantage of you. Your godly husband loves and respects you.
Respect and love are the keys to making submission in marriage work. I wouldn’t feel comfortable submitting to my husband if he didn’t value that act and love me with his whole heart in return. My deepest need, as a woman, is to be loved unconditionally and cherished wholeheartedly. His deepest need, as a man, is to be respected and valued by me. By submitting to my husband and being a noble wife to him, I am fulfilling that need. The same thing goes for you in your marriage. It’s all about giving each other what we need instead of withholding or being too scared to jump in with letting our men lead.
I don’t want this letter to be a billion words long, but I do want to make sure that I get one last thing across. I’ve received a few not so nice comments on blog posts or on social media (it’s all good!), so I’m aware that this isn’t the most popular stance. I don’t care if it’s popular or “acceptable.” Right is right and wrong is wrong regardless of popularity. Girl, I don’t want to scare you away or be too harsh, but I needed a wake-up-call, and maybe you do too. It’s time that we look to God’s Word for how to navigate our marriages, and it’s time that we stop trying to fit His Word into our own happy box. God is too powerful to be fit into our earthly box, and God says clearly to submit to our husbands.
If you’re still on the fence, I encourage you to dig into some more material on this topic. Don’t just shrug it off and say it’s not for you. This isn’t for someone else’s marriage, this is for all marriages! Maybe, the way I’m coming across just isn’t right for you. No big deal, just keep trying. Dig into the Word, find a mentor to speak with, read more on the topic, talk to your husband, pray about it, do something. Too many marriages are stuck in a lukewarm or cold place, and it’s well past time to make a change. Love you, girl.